It's not pretty, but it (mostly) works:

;; Set the load path
(setq load-path (cons "~/.emacs.d" load-path))

;; Don't make me type out 'yes' and 'no'
(fset 'yes-or-no-p 'y-or-n-p)

;; Color the code
(require 'font-lock)
(global-font-lock-mode t)

;; Set the starting appearance
(setq default-frame-alist
      '(;;(cursor-color . "Firebrick")
        (cursor-color . "White")
        (cursor-type . box)
        ;;(foreground-color . "White")
        ;;(background-color . "DarkSlateGray")
        (foreground-color . "White")
        (background-color . "Black")
        (vertical-scroll-bars . right)))

;;;;Change backup behavior to save in a directory, not in a miscellany
;;;;of files all over the place.
(setq
    backup-by-copying t      ; don't clobber symlinks
    backup-directory-alist
    '(("." . "~/.saves"))    ; don't litter my fs tree
    delete-old-versions t
    kept-new-versions 6
    kept-old-versions 2
    version-control t)       ; use versioned backups

;;;;Make sure that .emacs file is edited in lisp mode:
(setq auto-mode-alist (cons '("\.emacs" . lisp-mode) auto-mode-alist))

(setq default-tab-width 4)

;; Fix the worse part about emacs: indentation craziness
;;   1. When I hit the TAB key, I always want a TAB character inserted
;;   2. Don't automatically indent the line I am editing.
;;   3. When I hit C-j, I always want a newline, plus enough tabs to put me on
;;      the same column I was at before.
;;   4. When I hit the BACKSPACE key to the right of a TAB character, I want the
;;      TAB character deleted-- not replaced with tabwidth-1 spaces.
(defun newline-and-indent-relative ()
  "Insert a newline, then indent relative to the previous line."
  (interactive "*") (newline) (indent-relative))
(defun indent-according-to-mode () ())
(defalias 'newline-and-indent 'newline-and-indent-relative)
(defun my-c-hook ()
  (defalias 'c-electric-backspace 'delete-backward-char)
  (defun c-indent-command () (interactive "*") (self-insert-command 1)))
(add-hook 'c-mode-common-hook 'my-c-hook)
(defun indent-region-with-tab ()
  (interactive)
  (save-excursion
	(if (< (point) (mark)) (exchange-point-and-mark))
	(let ((save-mark (mark)))
	  (if (= (point) (line-beginning-position)) (previous-line 1))
	  (goto-char (line-beginning-position))
	  (while (>= (point) save-mark)
		(goto-char (line-beginning-position))
		(insert "\t")
		(previous-line 1)))))
;;(global-set-key [?\C-x tab] 'indent-region-with-tab)
(global-set-key [f4] 'indent-region-with-tab)
(defun unindent-region-with-tab ()
  (interactive)
  (save-excursion
	(if (< (point) (mark)) (exchange-point-and-mark))
	(let ((save-mark (mark)))
	  (if (= (point) (line-beginning-position)) (previous-line 1))
	  (goto-char (line-beginning-position))
	  (while (>= (point) save-mark)
		(goto-char (line-beginning-position))
		(if (= (string-to-char "\t") (char-after (point))) (delete-char 1))
		(previous-line 1)))))



; Moxley's php-mode customizations
(require 'php-mode)
(defun my-php-mode-common-hook ()
  ;; my customizations for php-mode
  (setq tab-width 4)
  (setq c-basic-offset 4)
  (c-set-offset 'topmost-intro-cont 4)
  (c-set-offset 'class-open 0)
  (c-set-offset 'inline-open 0)
  (c-set-offset 'substatement-open 0)
  (c-set-offset 'arglist-intro '+)
  )
(defun pear-php-mode-hook ()
  (setq tab-width 4
        c-basic-offset 4
        indent-tabs-mode
      (string-match "\.php$" (buffer-file-name))))
(add-hook 'php-mode-hook 'pear-php-mode-hook)

;; Hide password prompts
(add-hook 'comint-output-filter-functions
          'comint-watch-for-password-prompt)

;; Display the time
(setq display-time-day-and-date t
      display-time-24hr-format t)
(display-time)

;; Show the column number
(column-number-mode t)

;; Key bindings
(global-set-key [?\C-z] 'shell)
(global-set-key [?\C-x ?\C-g] 'goto-line)

(setq temporary-file-directory "/Users/moxleys/tmp")
(custom-set-faces
  ;; custom-set-faces was added by Custom.
  ;; If you edit it by hand, you could mess it up, so be careful.
  ;; Your init file should contain only one such instance.
  ;; If there is more than one, they won't work right.
 )
(custom-set-variables
  ;; custom-set-variables was added by Custom.
  ;; If you edit it by hand, you could mess it up, so be careful.
  ;; Your init file should contain only one such instance.
  ;; If there is more than one, they won't work right.
 '(c-offsets-alist nil))

(setq tramp-default-method "ssh")
(require 'tramp)

;;;;"I always compile my .emacs, saves me about two seconds
;;;;startuptime. But that only helps if the .emacs.elc is newer
;;;;than the .emacs. So compile .emacs if it's not."
(defun autocompile nil
  "compile itself if ~/.emacs"
  (interactive)
  (require 'bytecomp)
  (if (string= (buffer-file-name) (expand-file-name (concat
default-directory ".emacs")))
      (byte-compile-file (buffer-file-name))))

(add-hook 'after-save-hook 'autocompile)